Love Never Fails: I’m disappointed, now what do I do?

Have you ever said or thought, “That is not what I was expecting?” Being in a relationship brings up many moments when we feel that what our spouse did was not what we expected. Sometimes, those expectations hurt, and we are left feeling neglected. It is precisely at this point that we have a decision to make on how we respond and when to respond. 1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV) states, “Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” This passage speaks to the enduring nature of love compared to the other items ceasing. When we expect things to keep going and they don't, we feel disappointed.

How do we handle this feeling of disappointment? Breathe. Seriously, take a deep breath and let your body relax; you may need to take several breaths. Ask yourself, how big of an issue is this? Not every disappointment needs to be voiced. If we are telling our spouse about every little thing that bothers us, what do you think that sounds like? How would you feel if most of the comments you get are complaints? Are we becoming self-centered and selfish? So stop and think; maybe God wants you not to be so concerned about your own particular expectations and grow in the grace of longsuffering and patience. Taking deep breaths helps you think about what you will say and if it needs to be said at all.

When we need to talk about our disappointment, do it in an attitude of love-not condemnation. Express them in words using the xyz+ model. Start with your responsibility, then follow with x-where, y-what, and z-how it made you feel. An example is: “I may not have told you before, but when we were at the store, and I loaded the groceries into the car by myself, I felt taken advantage of.” Notice how that sounds better than: “You never help me at the store; I always load the car by myself; why are you so lazy.” Ouch!

Building a stronger relationship starts with handling our disappointments in a healthy way. Our spouses will disappoint us. Be on guard against selfishness. Don’t be quick to react. Learn to respond. Breathe. Restructure your statements to express feelings and not condemnation.

Life Application

This week, be more alert about what things you are complaining about. Ask yourself first, is it necessary to say this? Practice taking deep breaths to relax yourself before you respond. Practice restructuring your statements to express feelings and not condemnation. You can write out your statements first if you need to practice. In quiet prayer, ask God to show you where you might be self-centered in your thoughts and ask for his grace to overcome this. Allow your spouse to hold you accountable for how you make your complaints. Be intentional about change.

Love Never Fails!

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