Love Never Fails: “I know I’m right…really?”

Have you ever had those conversations where you are going back and forth with your spouse about who is right? You both recall events happening differently. If we are not careful, pride can creep in. 1 Corinthians 13:4(NASB) says, “Love does not brag and is not arrogant.” Arrogance is an attitude of superiority (I know better than you); if we don’t take steps to eradicate it from ourselves, it will become a pest to our relationships.

Arrogance sometimes is expressed in the words “I know I’m right.” Sometimes, in our relationships, we argue to see who is right about the occurrence of an event or the meaning behind an event. Sometimes, in our arguing, we treat our spouse disrespectfully. We say hurtful or demeaning things. In our pursuit to be “right,” we essentially cause more emotional distance from our spouse, and hence the relationship becomes “wrong.” So, in essence, you have just righted yourself “right” out of the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong; there are times when it is important to express a clear distinction between what is right and wrong. Such as not putting water in the gas tank or bad things will happen. However, there are times when our discussions are about preferences and choices, or something that we imagine will happen or did happen.

One of the things that I(Kelvin) had trouble with in our marriage was that I did not respect my wife's feelings. I would routinely tell her, “You should not feel like this,” or “How can you feel that way?” God helped me to understand that a person's feelings are true for that person. Feelings aren't truth but true for the person experiencing them. I had to learn that regardless of how I thought she should or should not feel, I had to acknowledge that how she felt about something was important. I needed to validate her feelings and not ignore them. When you take time to validate your spouse’s feelings, you are pushing pride out the door.

Men, that took a lot of patience and practice on my part. It is not easy. What helped me was that when I would talk with my wife, I had to have a visual picture in my mind of a heart and that I was talking not only to her intellect but to her heart. (FYI, we do a whole session on this in our workshops).

Life Application:

Share with your spouse about ways that you may have been tempted to be arrogant and push forward with the idea of your rightness. Talk about ways that you want to have healthier discussions and can better validate their feelings.

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