Love Never Fails: I didn’t know that about you!

The Johari Window model is a tool used for understanding and training in self-awareness, personal development, and improving communication. This model helps us see our strengths and weaknesses and allows us to understand how to strengthen our weak areas. The four windows include 1. Open- What you and others know about you, 2. Blind area- What others know about you, but you don’t know about yourself. 3. Hidden area- What you know about yourself but choose not to reveal to someone else. 4. Unknown- What you and others don’t know about you. This tool is excellent for couples to be more open to and learn more about each other. Being open and vulnerable will bring you closer to each other, and your love will grow.

Have you ever told your spouse, “I didn’t know that about you?” How well do you know your spouse, and how well does your spouse know you? Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13: 9, 10 (KJV), says, “We know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.” So how does this scripture apply to marriage, you may ask?

When two people are in a relationship, there are always two perspectives or two sides because two minds are involved. What does “We know in part” mean? In every relationship, especially marriage, everyone has their perspective, their part. Do you take ownership (your part) for your words and actions in your marriage? Taking ownership is one of the first steps to having a healthy conversation. Sometimes, an apology needs to be given to your spouse for your spoken words and actions that hurt them.

You have your perspective, and your spouse has their perspective. “Reading between the lines” means we assume we know what the other person is saying, which could be inaccurate information. Letting the other person tell you what they think and feel is crucial. Assuming things about what your spouse said or did can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings.

The question is, can we read each other’s minds? Absolutely not, and because you can not read your spouse’s mind, it is essential to hear what your spouse is saying and feeling. In our coaching sessions, we teach the “repeating back” tool, which helps couples slow the conversation so each person can be “clearly” heard. For example, after your spouse says 3-5 sentences, say, “This is what I heard you say; is this correct?” Continue listening to your spouse and repeat what they said, ensuring that you both are on the same page. You may disagree with your spouse, but their thoughts and feelings are valid. The idea is to hear what each other is saying. Avoid interrupting each other. Talk to each other using the repeating back tool and see how this improves your relationship.

Life Application

1. Are you vulnerable and open to sharing who you are more deeply with your spouse?

2. How often do you try to see your spouse's perspective? Never, Sometimes, or Often.

3. How frequently do you try to use the “repeating back” tool in your conversations?

4. Thank your spouse for being open about their thoughts and feelings.

Want to know more about how to have a Rockin Christian Marriage? See our online programs at www.coachustoday.com. We offer Christian relationship coaching. Explore music by Celeste on the site. Follow us on Facebook (Christian Relationship Coaching).

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