Love Never Fails: Do My Thoughts Matter?

Have you ever said to yourself, “I’m not happy in this marriage; don’t I have the right to be happy?” This question is common and often occurs after feeling hurt by our spouse. In 1 Corinthians 13:5 (KJV), the writer tells us that love “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, and THINKETH no evil.” The clause “thinketh no evil” is tough to do. What we “think” about our spouse in our marriages can dramatically impact the relationship. We are often triggered or provoked when our spouse does or says something that feels hurtful, and we think the worst. Jesus teaches us not to react selfishly and think only about our hurts but also about our spouse’s needs. If you choose to think positive and healthy thoughts about your spouse, you will treat them well.

The path to cleansing your marriage of toxic thoughts and moving to greater happiness begins with your attitude.

Happiness can be a choice and mindset. Can you say, ”I choose to be happy in my marriage?” The question to ask yourself is, “What am I thinking about?” Are you thinking about the hurtful words your spouse said to you? Sometimes, we must turn the tape off in our minds that keeps playing repeatedly. Talking to your spouse, hearing them out, and understanding what they meant by what they said or did is vital for keeping your mind from running away with negative ideas. Choose to say, “I will think the best about my spouse.”

Everything we do first starts with a thought, a positive or a negative thought. Negative behaviors follow when we entertain bad thoughts about our spouse. The only way to stop this negative cycle is to turn bad thoughts about your spouse into good thoughts. Being intentional about changing bad thoughts to good thoughts takes lots of effort. For example, the bad thought could be, “My spouse doesn’t love me.” The good thought is, “Even though what my spouse said was hurtful, I know my spouse cares for and loves me.”

Jesus knows the human heart and teaches us counterintuitive behavior, which is how he lived; Jesus commands us to imitate and follow his behaviors. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV) reads, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Our human nature drives us to think about ourselves, which is pride, but God calls us to deny ourselves daily and follow him by thinking positive thoughts about other people, especially our spouse. Be intentional about changing what my dad would say, “stinking thinking,” into good, positive thinking. Choose good thoughts concerning your spouse!

Life Application:

1. Make it your goal to stop a negative thought about your spouse and replace it with a positive thought. Say the positive statement out loud to yourself. When you practice doing this, it can impact how you feel about your spouse and reframe the issue.

2. Discuss issues with your spouse in your daily or weekly

meetings. (We talk about meetings as a tool, “Tool of the Meeting,” in our online webinar.) In what way could you make efforts to have meetings with your spouse?

3. What efforts can you make this week not to be judgmental or disrespectful to your spouse? What will help you think good thoughts and have goodwill for your spouse?