Love Never Fails: Creating Safety In Your Marriage

Have you ever said or heard someone say, “I could never tell my spouse what I did, or I don’t feel safe sharing this information with my spouse?” 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face.” Seeing through a “glass darkly” implies the obscurity of vision or hidden information. When a marriage relationship feels unsafe, there is a lack of clarity, openness, and vulnerability; it seems like you are “seeing through a glass darkly.”  Things that make a marriage unsafe are lack of trust, being judgemental, unforgiveness, contempt, pride, threats, and punishment. Negative behaviors push our spouse away instead of inviting them to come closer. Love draws our spouse to us so we can see them “face to face.” The power of love, truth, and openness dispel the darkness of hiding who we are. There is no place for shame and guilt because love takes away the pain of shame. Love opens the door for us to accept our spouses, forgive them, and move on to a brighter future. 

Distance is another factor in how clearly we see things. The farther away we are from something, the less clear it appears. When we let problems build up in our relationships that we do not address, they create emotional distance. That is why it is important to have times when you address how your marriage is doing. These times allow you to properly discuss issues and lessen the distance between you. 

Love decreases our distance and enables us to develop safety in our relationship. When love and safety are present, each spouse can freely share their thoughts, feelings, and dreams without judgment or shame from their spouse. When you’re face to face with your spouse, you see them for who they are: their beauty and blemishes, and they see yours. That is okay because everyone has both. Love helps us to feel safe. 

It brings great freedom when we really accept each other for who we are. We don’t need to hide or build self-protective walls. We become empowered by acceptance. We don’t spend energy avoiding each other but drawing close to each other. We all have things that we believe our spouses should do differently, but how important is it for them to be like we think they should be? God, the great creator, has allowed us all to be unique. Perhaps God is growing you as you become more accepting of your spouse, enabling you to become more accepting of others. Jesus models acceptance for us as he invites us into a relationship with him. Just as we feel safe with Jesus, we can work to have a safe relationship with our spouse. 

“We…see…face to face.”

 Life Application

1. Which barrier to having a safe relationship with your spouse are you tempted to demonstrate: lack of trust, being judgemental, unforgiveness, contempt, pride, threats, or punishment?

2. This week, make efforts to increase the safety of your marriage with your spouse by listening to their thoughts without judging them.

3. Where do you rate yourself in allowing your spouse to be themselves without making them please you or controlling them (poor, fair, good, very good, excellent)? What is one thing you will do this week to improve in this area?

4. Contempt can include name-calling, hostile humor/ridicule, mockery, put-downs, belittling, sarcasm, sulking, negative interpretation, and eye-rolling. If you do any of these things, will you commit to stopping?

Want to know more about how to have a Rockin Christian Marriage? See our online programs at www.coachustoday.com. We offer Christian relationship coaching. Explore music by Celeste on the site.  Follow us on Facebook (Christian Relationship Coaching). 

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