Love Never Fails: Boundaries and Declarations

Have you ever said to yourself in frustration, “How did our relationship get to this point?” Many of us have started in deep love and excitement. We had lavish wedding ceremonies where great things were said, and enjoyed the reception's festivities. So what happened? How did our relationships end up where we don't even want to talk to each other? 1 Corinthians 13:11(NASB) states, “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason, like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” This scripture speaks about maturing. Just as we grow physically, so must we grow in our relationships.

Relationship maturity includes setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries give definitions to things. Boundaries describe limits and distances. Boundaries also define what is not included. We notice in the above passage the clause, “When I became a man, I did away with childish things.” This clause describes a boundary; walking into maturity requires leaving some things out. We need to do away with unhealthy behaviors.

When we allow unhealthy behaviors to creep into our relationships, we will find ourselves getting off track. If we stay off track too long, it leads us to feel emotionally distant from our spouse. When Celeste and I coach, we encourage couples to make declarations. Declarations define what you are and are not going to do and what you are committed to doing. For example, if a couple has had trouble saying hurtful things to each other, their declaration might be: “We do not say hurtful things to each other, and we say things that are affirming and helpful to each other.” Do you see the boundaries? You are leaving out hurtful words and including helpful words. When you both agree that this is what you are going to do, it helps power you into another level of your relationship. So when one person seems to get off track, the other spouse can kindly remind them, “We agreed not to say hurtful words.”

Walking in agreement about how you are going to treat each other will transform your relationship.

“I did away with childish things.”

Life Application:

1. Talk with your spouse about things that you may have been doing that are not helping the relationship that you want to stop (leave out). If you both have been doing them, focus on ownership of your part. Write out a declaration of what you plan on stopping and the good behavior you plan on starting. Hold each other accountable and agree to be held accountable. Declarations act as guardrails to keep your relationship on track.

Want to know more about how to have a Rockin Christian Marriage? See our online programs at www.coachustoday.com. We offer Christian relationship coaching. Explore music by Celeste on the site. Follow us on Facebook (Christian Relationship Coaching).

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